You all know that I am First and Foremost: A Scientist.
The other day I happened to make a Facebook status stating how disgusting the new Lay’s flavors looked to be. What followed was a surprisingly lengthy thread of people debating and discussing the merits of the various experimental flavors that Lay’s keeps insisting on debuting. That would have been that, as I had no intention of wasting money on giant bags of chips I almost certainly wouldn’t like, but then the other day I saw these small, individual bags at Subway… I went ahead and got one of each since I am plagued by an insatiable curiosity and also apparently a desire for pain. I tried one flavor a day last week to see if any of them were palatable, and voilà. Here are my reviews and now you don’t have to go through this yourselves:
1. Truffle Fries. I totally expected to like this one since I love truffle oil and it naturally pairs with potatoes. But of course these chips in no way contain truffle oil, which is expensive as ass, but instead an artificial flavoring that tastes vaguely like truffle oil that has gone a bit moldy. To me they tasted exactly like French Onion chips with just a vague background of extra stank on them. Did not like. Managed to eat maybe half the bag before I gave up and tossed it.
2. Gyro. Dear Gods this was the worst one. It was like someone dumped an entire jumbo container of the cheapest Greek seasoning in existence into one little bag. They were so over-flavored it was revolting and to add injury to insult they were kettle-cooked, which means in addition to everything else they were mouthblood flavored. I ate like 5 or 6 to give them a chance then threw them into the garbage, which probably tasted better than these chips.
3. Reuben. These were tolerable, probably because The Reuben is the best sandwich in existence and these managed to resemble the taste of one, a bit. I could taste rye bread flavor the strongest, and a little bit of corned beef. Finished the bag but it was not super exciting.
4. Biscuits and Gravy. These gave me an existential crisis because of all four flavors, this one was the MOST ACCURATE. These goddamn things actually tasted like biscuits and gravy and it confused my brain. I expected to hate them the most but I liked them. I ate the whole bag. I ate them for breakfast which somehow felt more okay. My Southern relatives are somewhere weeping and praying for my soul (for a new reason now!), but what can I say.
The problem is that they could never GO with anything, which I think is my main problem with all of these flavors as a whole. While one might be good and another tolerable, I am never going to want biscuits and gravy-flavored chips on the side of my hot dog or a sandwich-flavored chip on the side of my sandwich. Chips should be made to compliment other foods, not contain 50 different flavors within themselves all drowning each other out.
I guess I could see dipping the Reuben flavor in some sort of sour cream/horseradish dip but on the whole all of this feels really unnecessary.
Conclusion: Give me my Salt & Vinegar chips and Get Off My Lawn.